Whats sympathy without empathy, whats empathy without understanding and what is understanding without acceptance? What is anything really without something else? And when you get something else then there is yet another thing that is needed to complete the cycle. In essence we are just like… whats that game that came free with older computers?… Pinball. Yes. We are like those metallic balls just stuck in a giant pinball machine bouncing from one electric rod to another. Then going down a long winding passage just hoping that the bat strikes on time or else, its game over!
I live in fear. Fear of realising that I have done yet another something that I shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t have done. IF… IF I was in my senses. Did I post something blasphemous on fb? Did I like something someone else posted that I wasn’t supposed to? Did I chat with someone I wasn’t supposed to? Or did I chat about something I wasn’t supposed to? Did I create yet another id and join an online dating platform to meet the same people and have the same meaningless, flirtatious conversations over and over again? Or… the worst of them all. Did I go out and live it? The promiscuous, pretentious life of a drug addicted, drunk party goer.
I lost count of the number of times I’ve woken up lying on the floor of my bedroom dressed in provocative, party wear and high heels with my lipstick smudged across my face and my eyeliner streaming down my cheeks and wondered… did I dress up and cry myself to sleep in my room, or did I return like this after a tumultuous night of partying? Do I want to know? Do I really want to know!