Day 9 part 3- The talk

After a short rest post the trip to the movies, we made a comfy dinner of chicken soup, fried sausages, garlic bread and scrambled eggs with ham. It’s was, like the rest of the day, fun warm and loving.

Then we sat down without distractions and spoke.

I told him about my thoughts, my plans for the future, my doubts and fears, my inhibitions, everything. He listened. Smiled. Hugged me after 2 hrs of my monologue and said Good plan. 🙂

He told me how this intent and passion is what he had seen in me the first time we met and that’s what he has been feeling I’m losing. 

We hugged and lay down and connected. He was happy. We had amazing sex. 

And I was so spent and exhausted and overwhelmed that all I could feel was like it was the end of something. Something magical and naive. The death of the innocent hopeful me. 

But guess it’s all for the good. I should start honestly internalizing and believing what I’ve been consciously accepting. My life. Just mine. My plans. My future. 

A very lonely thought, but… Atleast it’s the truth. It’s reality.

I will have this life I’ve planned out. And for my desperate need for love, I’ll fill my life with animals, plants, food, books and music. Dogs, cats, cows, horses… Even birds. They know. They understand. They love. What more do I want!

Day 9 part 2- Work fun and funny work

After breakfast, A sat to finish off his work for the day while I cleaned up listening to Tamil songs from my childhood. Suddenly the sun came out and we both rushed to the balcony to stand basking in it like dogs with their tongues out during a drive. We soaked in all the sun my apartment offers me and decided to venture out in the afternoon for a ride and movie. 

A believes and I agree that I need to try to get out more in Bangalore like I used to in Goa. However Bangalore being Bangalore makes it easy harder for me to do that. The traffic, the crowds, the dry heat and chilly colds, the judgemental people… Everything! But it’s way way easier to do it with him. Baby steps. 

So after a traditional mallu (malayali/ kerala) meal of rice, curd, sweet potato puzhukku (sweet potato boiled salt and turmeric and mixed with a ground coconut paste and garnished with heated coconut oil, chillies, curry leaves and cumin)and vendekka mizhikuvaratti (fan fried ladies finger) we went for a nice movie called Dangal at the theatre. 

We laughed, cried, hogged popcorn.I was fine. Fun even. We later went to Kalmane Cafe and had a coffee and muffin.

Now he has gotten a call from work since he is still working EST. And so like a couple of naughty teenagers, we rushed back home 🙂

Day 9 part 1- Bed, breakfast, bacon

A and I sleep in separate rooms because I have only a small cot where we can cuddle cozily but not get a proper night’s rest. So after tossing and turning through the night after a boring long Hindi movie that we watched together, I finally fell asleep. 

A woke me up around 9am for my meds and then we had a fun nice breakfast of eggs with bacon, fruit and coffee. Served on one plate, we had fun sharing and fighting for the nice pieces.

A nice start to a nice day 🙂 

Day 8 part 3 – Soup for the soul

After my rest, A reached. We had some fun, had tea and snacks and watched Sherlock, Brooklyn 99 and now we are watching a random silly Hindi movie. 

Some time in between I started feeling ill. Without the fan on and with knee length socks, I still continued shivering. Whether it was the after effects of sex or just fatigue from days not bad sleep or actual illness, I don’t know. 

But now, nestled cozily in my quilt with A, with a dinner of hot cream of chicken soup with freshly crushed pepper along with buttered toast, I’m happy. Still shivering, still feeling weak.. but happy. 

Here’s hoping this lasts. How’s your day going? 

Day 8 part 2- Work and workout

Since my housekeeper didn’t turn up in the first half today as well and her mobile wasn’t reachable, I decided to clean up the place myself. I also secretly missed doing all the work I’ve gotten accustomed to over the past 3 months in Goa. 

After washing the vessels, I suddenly felt weak and tired, probably due to my lack of sleep. So I was resting when A called from office to check on me. For some stupid reason we ended up arguing and I spent the next half an hour crying. Then I realised how my mood swings were affecting us. So I sent him msgs to apologise and instead of obsessing and waiting for a response, I continued work. 

With Hindi music from the 90s in the background, I cleaned up, washed, tidied up, dusted and had a bath. Then after a decent meal of leftovers, I watched TV and slept for an hour. 

Since today was day 1 of my healthy lifestyle, I was supposed to walk for 20 mins. Instead, I converted my sweeping and mopping into exercise. So yaaaay. Victory on 2 counts. Not bad!

Day 8 part 1 – Rise and shine

After sleeping at 4, I was up by 8. Since waking up early is something I’ve had trouble with, I decided to not try to continue sleeping but get up and get some rest during the day if need be. 

So a nice cup of hot black coffee while preparing breakfast and I was all set to start my day. I stood in the sun to thaw a bit and then settled down with a hot plate of puttu with bananas, a traditional Malayali breakfast of steamed rice powder with coconut. I added some ragi powder for protein.

My house keeper who didn’t turn up yesterday might not come in today as well. Since her number is not reachable and A is planning to come over this evening, I have decided to clean up the place and after a nice lunch, head to bed till he reaches. 

Watching the Spring episode of the new Gilmore while eating. Feeling marginally better than yesterday. So yaaaay!

PS: the pic is from the last time I made corn puttu. Didn’t click today. Was too hungry to 😉

Day 7 part 3- Hope ahead

A couple of hours of Netflixing, couple of pancakes and a hot cup of black coffee later I decided to try to sleep. I suddenly got up had a bath, arranged my bed and moved into the bedroom. Not that the couch was getting cramped after 7 days of sleeping on it… But I just felt ready. 

So now cozily nuzzled into my quilt is a happy me. Depression hasn’t passed but I’m feeling hopeful. That I’m able to handle myself better during these episodes. I might fail again but that’s ok. I will get back on my feet. I have hope. 

It’s 3:15 am now. So… Goodnight folks 🙂