Afraid to think

Who am I? What am I? Do I really think weird thoughts? Am I conjuring up these thoughts coz its fun to think that you are sick? Am I using this illness as a break coz am lazy, am afraid?

Am scared to think! Am scared to find out the reality about myself.

Somedays I feel so normal that everything else feels like a sham. Like I am tricking myself into believing all this nonsense about me coz I kinda enjoy the drama associated.

And then some other days all this feels so real, that normalcy feels like a distant dream.

Which is correct? Which is me? When will I stop switching between these 2? When will I learn to balance the two so that I can learn to lead a normal life?

When? Am afraid to think when!

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