Inspired by the stories I shared, my friend wrote an essay about the voices in my head for a writer’s workshop she is part of. A well written piece it sure was, but what struck me most was the utter confusion anyone who had to live like that would go through. Switching between personalities that leave people around confused. Doing things that leave yourself feeling vulnerable and disgusted. Inability to differentiate between reality and the activity happening inside the head. The non stop conversations and fights within…
It then struck me that despite all this and much more am doing a pretty good job of recovering. Today a play I was rehearsing for and was excited about got cancelled and then my vehicle was damaged by someone and several things went wrong one after another. I was genuinely pissed off. But I kept trying to talk myself into calming down and rationalising things. I cried a bit and was probably off sorts for about a few mins, but on the whole (considering I also havent had any rest since 2 days) I think I did quite a good job.
So, as self obsessed and egoistic as this might sound, am proud of myself. For inspiring someone to write something beautiful and for handling myself this well.
Desperately searching for a hypnotherapist. Got 2 numbers but I havent contacted them yet. I wonder why. Trying to fight an extremely strong urge to go back online to flirt.
Will I succeed? In this war between the voices in my head, who will win? When will this noisy silence end?
A bipolar diary 