Dying of hunger. Havent eaten a thing since morning. One reason is because there is nothing easy to make at home… Like bread or dosa dough. Another reason is because I’m not able to call and order food or provisions. Tried an online service but took so long that it crossed their delivery time. Cant call or go to the shop. Just sitting and felling worse by the minute. House is a huge mess. Or is it? The maid came and cleaned up. Didnt say a word to her. But then… the house must be clean no? I’m hungry. Mind fucked. Maybe I should just go back to sleep.
Reduced my ani psychotic and bipolar medication to half its previous dosage. That wrecked havoc with my system. Stopped therapy. And now the mood swings have hit. And how! Just want to curl up and die. Found a mood elevator. Panic attack pills. But expired in March. Should I still take it? How much worse can it be for my system?
Confused. Hungry. Tired. Lost… And the scariest of it all… Desperate!
Cast party tonight of a play I was part of. Should I go? Fuck myself up some more.