Very few things can jolt you awake like a nice cold shower. After struggling off my bed, I dragged myself into the shower. Stood there for a good 5 mins letting the cold water wash away the dirt and disgust of the night before. The cold hits my skin like sharp knives and I start crying. Slowly it builds up and I weep. For the mornings I’ve spent trying to wash away the night before… the days I’ve promised myself never to go through this again, to always choose hope and not give up again… for 30 years of life that I’ve done nothing but survive.
I lose track of how long I’ve sat in the shower crying. But then sitting there in the pool of water around me I feel spent. I stand up and turn the hot water on. My body jerks with the sudden change but then relaxes into the warmth. My muscles relax and body ache slowly reduces. And despite everything I smile. I then have an amazing bath, wax, shower, brush and feel much better.
I dress up nice to keep my spirits high and walk out into my living room. The sight that meets my eye is anything but inspiring. Food, wine, cigarettes, coffee, discarded clothes, money all lie scattered around with ants crawling over them. I ignore everything, play some upbeat music and cook myself a nice scrumptious breakfast.
Now with my stomach full and my spirits still high… I’m going to attack this pile of mess in my life. Here’s to sustaining this attitude through and through. Cheers!