Tired, exhausted. More emotionally than physically. Spoke, chatted, wrote… feeling slightly better.
The house selected for me was nothing like I wanted. That coupled with traditional owners immediately after my cab experience ruffled me up a bit. I know things will get better. One bad experience or day or week or even year doesn’t mean anything. But knowing that the future will be bright doesn’t make the present darkness any lighter.
Everything today seems to be very disappointing. For a person who never ever got disappointed till about 5years back, this sudden intense disappointment for everything that isn’t exactly as I envisaged, isn’t easy to cope with. The room next to mine that another person blocked is perfect. But my friend who saw the rooms felt I wouldn’t like that. And my room was hot and not even cleaned up. Neither was the loo.
I will return home as soon as I want to, I promised myself mentally telling myself to ignore the deposit money I’ll lose.
I spent the day with the cafe owner I plan to work with, running errands. Tired I returned to my room in the evening and sat alone till night. Scared to step out of my bedroom into the veranda or kitchenette or even bathroom.
After hours of crying and beating myself up for deciding to come here, my kidneys start hurting. A sign that I need to drink water and pee. A forewarning I’ve had since my surgery.
So… I mustered up the courage and went to the loo. Wasn’t as dark and scary or ask dirty as I thought it would be. Feeling courageous i proceeded to have a bath.
I washed off the grime and dirt and sweat… not of my own misgivings this time. But of my conditioned beliefs.
As the cold water relaxed my heated up body, my mind too cooled down.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I had come here to experience. Explore. Learn.
So… experience- the direct or projected disappointments I face and learn to get over them and move on. Explore- the different eateries of local cuisine or my own creativity in cooking without any facilities in the kitchen. Learn- to be me and find happiness even during difficulties and NOT give up.
Here’s hoping tomorrow will be a better day on my journey. And here’s cheers to my success at overcoming my fears and going to the loo. Kudos!