Day 12- The loop

I haven’t slept in days. I get about an hour or 2 of rest and then I crash with fatigue every couple of days.

Everyone who can and does sleep irritates me.

I take a looooooong time to start talking, to be able to frame sentences, to communicate.

It gets late. He sleeps. I cry.

And the same day begins again!

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10 thoughts on “Day 12- The loop

  1. Missed my dose of medicine; took it two hours too late. The manic episode had resided and given way to the depressive episode- making me catatonic and unable to do something as simple as zipping my fly.
    I feel utterly morbid right now. The world has gone and fucked itself from within and without. Trump’s seemingly getting ahead. I am numb, my fingers can’t move. Pakistan and India are both sending their troops to the borders, anticipating an all out war. I cannot breathe properly. A woman got raped somewhere in the streets of Agra or Lahore or wherever. I cannot lift myself off the bed.
    Fuck this bipolar 😥 I wanna be normal. I try to cry but my tear barrage has already given way to its reservoir of emotions. I cannot cry. That inability is suffocating.

    • I so understand that. It’s so difficult to explain that to someone. People wonder why I care about other things in the world and put my life on hold. Why, when i myself am unwell do I care about world issues. Why don’t I prioritize.
      And I believe that. I agree I care about all these things equally and don’t prioritize properly. But I genuinely feel as worried about all those issues as I do about personal things. I’m sorry. Unable to even frame a few sentences properly.
      I can imagine how frustrated you must be feeling. And you are right, read a few of your posts. The replayability, the connection, similarities… it’s uncanny.
      Hope you feel better soon. Take care…

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