Day 20- Morbidity, my middle name 

A small cut on the side of my wrist. How bad can it be? Why is it bad? If it’ll help me get over my palpitation and hyperness and be functional, why is it bad? Isn’t it actually good? Who said physical harm is more of a problem than wasted time?

Maybe just a small poke with the knife on my thigh. Or maybe stab at my stitches from the kidney surgery. Maybe I should pull my heart out and cut all the things attached to it. Then wash it clean like a new born baby and start afresh. Maybe then it’ll hurt less. Maybe I should drink some turpentine to make my blood thin and me lighter. Maybe I should poke my temple from the right side and keep pushing the knife in till these thoughts stop. Maybe I should go out and meet with an accident and get raped while I lie there. Maybe I should stab someone and twist the knife before pulling it out.

Or maybe I shouldn’t.


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