First come first serve

I’ve never been first at anything. Even to my parents, I was their second born, which coincidentally my dad didn’t even want. I’ve been average in school, decently good at sports and extra curricular activities but never first. Even in college when I topped the university, I had to share my place with a girl from another college.

I’ve craved to know what it feels like to be the first. First thought in someone’s mind. First choice for something.

I want someone to make me feel special. Like I’m their first priority. Like they will think of me before even themselves. Like they will love me with the same obsession that I will them. Unconditionally love me. Want me. Crave for me.

Not say I love you but first I’ll think of myself. You are gorgeous but fat. Yes it looks ugly but it doesn’t bother me. Yes you are in a bad state and need me but I’m busy.

No. I want someone to choose me… when even I don’t choose myself first.


5 thoughts on “First come first serve

  1. I can understand this being a twin. My twin is tall and thin with red hair and big blue eyes. Most of my life I was shorter than her, I weighed well over 220 pounds and had bleached blond hair. My blue eyes were squinty and blue because my face was so round. I was picked for nothing in school and made fun of for everything. My sister had friends and wasn’t made fun of. She was even hand picked to be an extra in a Brad Pitt movie Meet Joe Black. She wore a black ball gown and danced across a marble floor. I stuffed cake in my mouth so I wouldn’t tell her what I really thought of her. But times change and so do bodies after having 2 children. (Her not me) I became ill and lost 135 pounds and changed my hair color. She had kids and gained weight. The roles were reversed. I was kind about it. She was not. You can’t change people who don’t see there’s a problem. I know I’m an ok person and that’s good enough for me.

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