Day 26 continues- Forever

Through happy days and sad days, Through mania and depression

The pain is a constant

All the beaches and rides and music and chocolate

Do nothing more than create a dent

It just sucks and sucks all energy from you

Till you crash… tired, exhausted, spent.

I remember seeing the future through my rose tinted glasses

My hopes, my dreams, my aspirations, my life

Now i wallow in self pity and cry with despair

Wondering, was this all I was meant?


24 thoughts on “Day 26 continues- Forever

  1. Yea you said it I am Bipolar. Yesterday I was on top of the world wrote half a book and today I crashed and feeling depressed. I get hypomania a lot and symptons here and there. Medication does not cure and isn’t a miracle worker but I wish it could do better. I am lucky I have my writing to keep me distracted and engaged. It’s a day to day struggle. I look forward to reading more of your posts nice to feel not alone. I am Dan nice to meet you!

    • Hi Dan… nice to meet you too. Would love to read your book. I’ve been trying to write one since forever now. But I don’t have the discipline or talent to be a writer. Have a lot of half completed stories though. So kudos to you for atleast finishing half a book. πŸ™‚

      • Yea I finished 33 books and over a 1000 short stories I’ve been writing for 16 years. With all my health and mental health problems the writing really reduces the stress. I bet you can finish a book its not that hard a big part of it is going with the flow but very few can write a book in ten days like I can. I just really love it like an addiction once I get going I can’t stop myself. I love writing so much its hard to take breaks from writing I get very depressed.

    • You won’t feel alone here at all. There is a nice community out here who all look out for each other. Do ping if you ever need to share or just talk in silence. Take care πŸ™‚

      • Thanks I love The Celtics and basketball the Celtics season starts tomorrow and that will help me moving forward to keep distracted. I’ve made friends on here but a lot of them get busy or take breaks because they need to deal with their illness off the net. I am glad I have a friend in you now and someone to talk to. What has been bothering me is my sleep I am up all night sleep during the day part of it has been worsened by the season. I try to maintain a positive attitude,. Yes I have sleep problems with my Bipolar but there are worse problems I could have with Bipolar. Sleep being the man thing is bad but not the worst.

      • I agree. But continued sleeplessness can aggravate other symptoms of bipolar. It’s 7am where I am and I’ve had about an hour of sleep today. My switches between mania and depression increase when I’ve been sleepless for days.

      • Sorry to hear I overeat to sleep worsens my diabetes. I usually dont get sleep until 4am or 7am. I have mania more than depression in spending lots. A lot of mania symptons but I have depression too from time to time the last 2 yrs the worst.

      • Hmmm… hope you are able to work out a routine for yourself. I remember it used to help me. Need to get back to that soon. I’ve tried overeating to sleep. But now I’m very over weight. So it causes more worry than helping. πŸ™‚
        Did anything happen 2 years back? To worsen the depression.

      • No what happened was over the past 2 years we would make med adjustments and med changes and I would get sleep for a little while then I reverted back to no sleep at night. I had a lot of health problems 2 years ago so that could have part of it. I had a health problem that was very scary it was all brought on by stress. I got better though. I don’t worry about it anymore.

      • Trying not to be hard on myself my fasting sugar was 151 not good but not the worst. I am trying to do some writing and keep busy watching a tv show. Still not getting enough sleep. How are you?

      • I’m much better, thank you πŸ™‚ About your blood sugar levels, hope they get better. Do you have multiple small meals through the day?
        Are you on medication to help you sleep? I know its frustrating when people say this to me… but have you tried mediation. There are some breathing techniques that are supposed to help. The concept bugs me currently. So I don’t use them.

      • The last 2 blood sugar readings have been good. I only have 3 meals a day but sometimes I eat less and backfires at night. I am on klonopin for both sleep and anxiety and trazadone. They worked for a while then stopped working. I have tried breathing never worked for me. I did get out on a walk which was good it was short but lowered my blood sugar greatly.

      • That’s nice πŸ™‚ I like running when I’m worked up. I don’t anymore since I’ve become very fat and I’m very conscious. But during panic attacks, I’d end up running from wherever I was. Now I don’t get panic attacks. I panic but control it and just end up crying. Nothing dangerous.

      • sorry i put a lot of weight from bipolar med it was a med that caused me to get diabetes. glad your panic is under control sorry about crying but good to release the feelings. i did bad having sour patch kids i know it will drive up my sugars but i need a balance to maintain a diet i cant be too strict.

      • I understand that. Cheats are important to maintain balance. Else cravings will become uncontrollable. My younger brother is into wellness training. He is a chef but believes that just the right diet and exercise isn’t enough. Healthy life is about much more. πŸ™‚ I’m trying to work on myself in that regard. I have thyroid, pcod and the bipolar medication added to the weight gain. Junking didn’t help πŸ˜‰ Sad about the medication giving you diabetes. Didn’t know that was possible. Sorry about that.

      • thanks yea zyprexa is a weight gain med but it makes u gain weight so fast its hard to catch my old dr was negligent let the diabetes come on. to prove he was negligent he took me off zyprexa and didn’t replace it leading me into the worst relapse of my life. glad i fired him. yea i agree with your brother you have to be mentally well and feeling well to control things. ive had great diabetes readings when i was doing well with the bipolar and went off meds for 2 years and diet was enough. i just got put in a big hole due to a bipolar med last dec i was on for a short time and i have had to work my way out of it. takes time. don’t be hard on yourself all we can do is our best. i played some basketball 30 mins got that sugar down. sorry about the thyroid pcod. bipolar really is a difficult illness sometimes it can be real bad i feel like i have had much steadier periods in my life with it the last two years just been a nightmare

      • I’m sorry to hear that. Have noone other than bloggers to talk to either. So I know how that feels πŸ™‚
        Will check out your blog after I try to get some rest and food πŸ™‚ take care till then.

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