Why doesn’t anyone want me? In a physical way. Why doesn’t anyone want to have sex with me? Am I that disgusting and repulsive?
Yes I’m very very sexually worked up right now. Horny, the crass word to describe all the frustration I feel right now. And it’s very intense.
Not even sex, I just want to sex chat or phone sex. Anything.
I think i might even be able to control the horniness. It’s the hurt that there is noone even though I’m this desperate that pinches more.
Maybe this is payback. For almost a decade of maintaining a platonic relationship with my husband. Gosh! How did he manage? Why?
He has spoilt me. I now want to be comforted and consoled and loved and hugged. I want to be appreciated and made to feel special. Hell I need it.
I have noone now. Not even a parent or friend I can turn to for anything.
I’m hurt and low and noone understands mental illness in India. Marriage is the solution for all problems.
Even the smart, educated people around me who have fought with their own demons think I can do the same. That I can and should fight this alone.
I can’t afford medication or therapy. I’ve to be functional and take care of myself and in 2 months be productive enough to earn for myself.
How? How do I do all this alone? It’s been over a year of no medication or therapy. During which time I single handedly fought through withdrawal, desperation, despair, a relationship and dealt with my baggage from the past.
But now I’m tired and worn out and broken and i need help. Someone who will look after me for a day and let me sleep. Pamper me. Love me. Help me for one fucking day.
Please. Just one day. I want to rest.
Maybe I just need sex! Yeah right.