Day 48 continues- The explanation

It’s not that he doesn’t understand. He does. But it affects him. He said he is OK now but then I got help or support from him for half a day yesterday… And then nothing. Barely regular conversations because all his issues are affecting him more today. I know they hit harder on some days than others. But can this repeated coincidence be ignored?

I’ve decided to lock myself up on all my depressive bad days. Deal with my issues myself. It’s easier than expecting support and being disappointed. Easier than trying to be normal because of the fear that you’ll harm your relationship otherwise.

I’ll take time out, deal with my swings and interact whenever I can talk normally.

That way it won’t affect our relationship. But then I can’t help thinking what relationship? I want support. Not even help. Just encouragement, appreciation, kind words. I want them continuously through my depressive days. And I def don’t want to be held responsible for my desperate gnawing energy sucking neediness.

Hahaha… I want want want.

What does he get? No really what does he get? 


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