Day 50 ends

Along with the day, my hopes and wishes end too. Hopes that some day someone will care enough. Maybe someone will. But I am the problem here. Since I don’t know to be a responsible adult, the min someone offers help, I just let go. I want complete help. 

So today, after repeated heart breaks, I have learnt my lesson.

I will speak to myself daily. Spend time alone daily. Never ever have a child how much ever badly I think I want one. Ever! Will live alone. Will appreciate the love someone offers, enjoy the feeling of getting help, but never ever expect actual help. In any form. From anyone. 

I have to get rid of this selfish attitude of wanting help but not giving anyone any. Hahaha… I keep realising it. But I never stick to my resolutions. Any suggestions?

I express to people since I’ve explained that I have no control over how my brain behaves… And I expect them to understand and ignore things I say. Why should they? How can they?

That’s why I have an anonymous blog right?

To say those things. Crib. Vent. Express my dirty horrible thoughts. Like my desperate need to bash someone’s head with a baseball bat. Or be a man and rape a girl.

I shall use this space to say, express, vent, whatever.

I shall be normal in real life. My normal. Independent. 

And if I can’t after trying… I’ll stop. That will be… The end!


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