Today after a wonderful conversation with A last night, I spoke to R, my ex. We discussed death, Sundar mama and moving on, briefly. But it gave me some clarity and perspective.
I realised that I love R. I’ll always love him. He is amazing and wonderful in his own way.
I love A. He is amazing and enticing in his own way.
The difference is that I’m in love with A. And the happiness or feelings that I get from A needn’t be what I used to get from R. R might not be my husband or partner anymore but he is and will always be part of my life. He has parented me and saved me. He has given me life. And as an understanding supportive person, he will always be there. He is family. The only family I’ve had.
A, I want to live with. Fight with. Have adventures with. We might not be as compatible as R and I were. And he might not be naturally as helpful as R is but he is a zillion other things.
I don’t have to move on from one to the other. I can have both. Just the relationship has to be clear. And after today’s conversation I’ve finally started believing that it’s very clear to R. He wasn’t messed up. He knew where we were headed. So it’s just me who is left to move on.
So, here’s to the first step to moving on. 🙂 And here’s cheers to A and I figuring things out. Yaaaaay!