So instead of debating and arguing with myself, I spoke to A and explained everything to him. He understood and said that once I get some sleep and I’m up tomorrow morning, we’ll talk and deal with it together. I couldn’t regain composure immediately so continued talking about him for a while before I calmed down.
I then pinged my cousin and told her how I’m not ready to deal yet so to not talk about his death to me repeatedly. She not just understood but we ended up sharing and bonding over several things including our unhealthy obsession with pandas.
Now I’m feeling happy and content. With how I handled the situation and just in general.
Rapid cycling or satisfaction because of what I did, either way I’m happy. And will enjoy the hell out of this happiness 🙂