Day 55 part 1- The cleanse

Today I woke up and after a quick chat with A, cleaned up the house thoroughly and cooked food. I went shopping and stocked up the house with things I can eat on an emergency day. Junk, mood elevators like chocolate and easy to eat things like corn flakes and sandwich spreads.

C was still out at her cousin’s place and returned only in the afternoon. Once she was back, I went over with what I had prepared and she made a mixed veg curry to go with it. And we spoke.

About how I still blush when R is mentioned. How it’s an insult to him if I don’t move on. How I’m being unfair to both A and R by being like this.

I explained to her that I am aware but don’t know what to do. How to move on. I don’t want to be like this. I love R and I’m not in love with him. I just don’t know how to.

I also can’t believe or understand why I’m this lucky. To have met 2 people in my life that I love so dearly. To have friends who care. It doesn’t feel fair that life is so easy for me when so many others suffer. I understand I’ve had my share of troubles but they seem more fair than this bubble of Good luck.

After hours of talking about all that and her job prospects post the tourism season in goa, I’m now back home. Will rest for a bit and then have date night with A. My dinner, his breakfast. We plan to video chat and then talk for ever. He wants to discuss Sundar mama. 😦

Why does he care? Why am I so lucky? Why is everything so easy?

I can’t help but fear that this is all going to lead to some horrible sad news. So much for being non superstitious!

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