Day 56 part 2- In dependence

After waking up late and modifying plans with A to talk during my night and his day so that he isn’t sleepy, I made sandwiches and tea and went over to C’s place coz she was low. A fight with the guy she is seeing regarding things that I fret over in my life.

This made me realise something A has been saying for long. About prioritizing yourself always. Then most of the problems won’t be problems anymore. You’ll be more functional, productive and sensible.

I completely understand the concept. I believe in it too. Except with my partner. I don’t know why I think that I should be more important to them than themselves… And vice versa. They should worry about my health and me and take care of me and…

Aren’t these childish needs that you crave from your parents? When you are a child. What right do I have to want them from anyone now when I’m am adult?

R did all this for me during my intensive therapy time coz I genuinely had regressed into a child. But now I’m not. I feel older. I feel like an adult at most times and a teenager at some. Realisations about my naivety and normal life practices remind me of how much more I’ve to learn and see and understand. But I definitely don’t feel like a child anymore.

Why then this desperate need to depend? And if I do, why not depend on myself! 

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