I want someone I can talk to. Call anytime something happens. Confide in. Share with. Fall back on.
I used to talk to my pillow. He has had my back all my life without complains. Without judgement. Supported me. Cuddled with me. Comforted me.
But since that was me talking to myself, after my disassociation became increasingly uncontrollable, I gave up.
That’s when I turned to humans. And boy was that a wrong decision!
Their failures aren’t their failures. It’s a reminder of my desperation and neediness. My dependence that is beyond human capabilities.
I want someone to comfort me. Hug me while I cry. Protect me so that nothing bad will happen to me ever again. I want someone who doesn’t have too many issues of their own, but still understands me.
I want my unconditional pillow.