If he believes I don’t deserve another chance then he will leave me. It’s ok. Adult life, my mistakes, shit happens! I’ll learn. Maybe work on myself before getting into a relationship. Maybe be alone. Whatever.
But fretting about whether he will and bugging him incessantly when he has asked for time is extremely selfish. Extremely so. I hurt him and can’t even give him time to recover. Why? Because some people fucked me up. So? Why is he paying the price?
All logical. But what to do about this anxiety that’s driving me crazy? My blood is jittery enough to boil. I’m barely breathing. I’m on the verge of a panic. I’m so restless that I’ve stripped off all my clothes coz I don’t want anything touching me.
I want him. I want to hear his voice. I want to say sorry and beg for forgiveness.
I need to freaking calm down and try to sleep.