I can’t. I’m not able to deal with my baggage and still be ok. I’m trying. Going beyond my fears. Understanding what he means despite his tone or mood even though it kills me. But the anxiety is killing me.
I can’t stop crying. Or being worked up. I can’t sleep and the power cut from 3am till 10am didn’t help.
I’m going crazy. I’m sorry I tried but I can’t. I want to but everything adds to my symptoms.
I know he wants to help and on most days he can. But he is human. With his own swings and needs.
On those days I understand him not helping. But his tone just pierces my heart.
What do I do? Not talk to him on those days? Keep distance and take care of ourselves?
But what about his needs then? Wanting support or a shoulder to rest on from his partner? What about all that?
Maybe I should go back to therapy. And medication.
God, I need a massage. Need it!