17 months of seeing things through without any help. Through talking about my childhood sexual abuse with my parents, dealing with the dysfunctionality in my family, finally deciding to cut off from them, overcoming abusive relationships, trying to get more functional, productive, traveling to another city for a few months alone… 17 months of all that all alone.
And last night I failed.
I took an anti anxiety medicine at 5am.
Could I have avoided it? Would I not have reached here if I’d gotten better sleep regularly? If given that I have my periods, I’d stayed away from interacting with A, would I have panicked less… Since I’d have goofed up less. Would I could do should I have…
I give up. Medicine, therapy, whatever helps I shall do that.
I’m tired of fighting alone just to reach here after 17 months!!