Day 83 part 4- Secrets and dates

It wasn’t a catching up session. It was a date. Atleast for him it was. He didn’t directly ask me out but he thought turning up at my place of work, leaving his number, going back there thrice in his fluster and meeting me on his last night of vacation was enough for me to understand it’s a date.

I had an amazing time. He was sweet and fun and chivalrous. He made me feel good and important and special. We shared stories, drank a bit… Had fun.

After a couple of hours, we headed to his room to grab a bite to eat and to watch a crazy Seth Rogen movie. He was respectful, didn’t make a move or make me uncomfortable or anything. Like friends hanging out. Unadulterated fun.

But!

We ended up sharing quite a bit of personal stuff. Must have been the smoke and the drinks at that place along with the atmosphere being so relaxed and comfy that we shared. And now I’m embarrassed and guilty.

I end up talking and sharing too much too soon. Enough to drive good people away. I don’t know why. i used to think it’s because I haven’t spoken about so many things for so long that now when I think someone cares enough to ask… I blurt out everything without a filter.

I started this blog to anonymously share all my stories thus saving the people I interact with from my vent sessions and too much info. Yet!!

Why did I talk so much? Why don’t I know when to shut up? And why do I only work in extremes?

I either talk too much or not at all. I can either be humane or insensitive. And it’ll be a blanket rule for the whole world. Not to a person or issue. It’s a very Jockey ad concept that I live my life by… All or Nothing! Why?!

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12 thoughts on “Day 83 part 4- Secrets and dates

    • Thanks for relating. Helps to know I’m not alone.
      Have you been able to figure out how to take the middle path? A says that I should just be how I am and people who are worth my time will understand and stay. Want to stay. And i shouldn’t care about the rest.
      But it’s not just them I care about. It’s that I goofed up and said too much, esp too soon. Or nothing at all for too long. Thus driving them away. They are human after all…

      • No, thank you. I’ve started blogging so I could share and relate with people I don’t know, because I don’t want to burden them. That and I guess I’m embarrassed by my condition and the thoughts I want to express. As for a middle path, I haven’t really found it. I’m an all or nothing type of guy. Quiet and disconnected, or loud and in your face. I hate it, but what are you gonna do?

  1. Sorry, meant to say I don’t want to burden the people I do know. Not that I want to burden you or anyone else, just that I follow and engage with people on here I think wouldn’t mind. I know I don’t.

    • I completely understand. And it helps to know that I can share most of the crap that comes into my mind and not feel like I’m weird or crazy. That people not just understand, but relate. Feels much less lonely.
      You can ping anytime even to vent. I think most of us here understand the need for that.

  2. Maybe people are all or nothing because to give all is both stupid and courageous and because we’re all looking for the person who gives just as much back to us. Givers have needs too. ~ P ~

      • Yes, quite possibly. I used to be MUCH more all or nothing than I am now. I think it stems from the ability to be in the moment and think “Do I really need to fight this battle?” and if you find that you do, to ask yourself “But do I need to fight it THIS WAY?” Because maybe there’s a better way that isn’t so extreme/instinctive to the point that you regret acting afterwards. Don’t forget that bipolar people release stress hormone faster, so this effects judgement and also their fight or flight is on the minutest shift.

      • So true. I’m very impulsive, not spontaneous. I need to learn to breathe and be in the moment. Thanks a ton… Will try asking myself these questions henceforth. πŸ™‚

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