To deserve or be deserved

I deserve better, he said.

But don’t you love me, I pleaded

Maybe. But what do I get? He asked

Me. I wanted to say. But if I’m not good enough… Then what good does that do, right?

Will I ever be good enough? Won’t everyone deserve better? Better than a bipolar, emotional, dysfunctional mess that I am.

It didn’t matter that he pushed me emotionally to deal with my baggage till I broke. Didn’t matter that after coping with all that and my sexual abuse alone, I returned to Bangalore and him in Jan to start living when shit hit the roof. Pregnancy. Abortion. Cat died. Best friend died. Uncle died. Doesn’t matter. Without meds or therapy I crashed and went into silence. And that’s it. He had enough. He deserves better.

What about me? What do I deserve?

Advertisements

38 thoughts on “To deserve or be deserved

    • I agree. But he understood me. And I’m at a very vulnerable State. Was suicidal. Don’t want to do anything stupid even by mistake. So got help. Back on meds. Therapy.
      Why now?

    • He has the right to love me, not love me, fall out of love… Everything. I hate being this vulnerable, victimised loser that I’m currently being. I try my best to not be that but I need a vent. Someone. My best friend passed away in Jan. So this anonymous blog is all I have. To crib. Cry. Share. Be desperate. Ask for understanding… 🙂

      • I am really sorry for your loss, but if I were to speak about it, I’d say your friend would’ve wanted you to be happy. Definitely not broken up, it’s hard to deal with all that you’ve gone through and still stand firm, I’m glad you are taking the time to talk about it on a blog. Pls vent away miss, we’re here for you, yours sincerely trolling friend 😁🙌 now I’m desperate to listen to you cry. Let’s put this pain to productive use. I want to here all about it. I dare you to pour your heart out. Just cry if you have to. I’m all ears! Or should I say eyes, since I’ll be reading it 😁🙌

      • Hahaha… Thanks I’m fine. It’s been a while since I posted and today out of frustration I did. I’m better now, thanks 🙂 maybe another day I shall demand your ears or eyes for a mega vent session. 😉

  1. You deserve better. It’s hard because sometimes we go our who lives not experiencing better, so we settle. Don’t settle. Don’t let what is out of your control get you down and influence what is in your control. You are a beautiful, strong woman. ❤ Never settle for less.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s