Why do I do this to myself? Over and over and over and over again… Like a giant wheel that refuses to stop. I see the same sights. Sights that once enticed me with the adrenaline rush of being something new, good bad or ugly… Today kill me with the repetitiveness. One would think that I’d be numb to it by now… Like an album song that suddenly becomes viral and is literally everywhere including as the background score to your dream.
But no… I’m not numb. I’m still affected. And badly. But yet I do nothing to change it. Or maybe I do, but I don’t do enough. It’s like I enjoy the torture.
Be is being affected by other’s comments or opinions, finding abusive partners, making plans and failing… Everything is on loop mode. Like the playlist you once created on your old ipod that you’ve been too lazy to change and now the familiarity breeds as much contempt as it does happiness.
Should stop. Should say enough. Until then, let the masochist in me enjoy. Sorry girl. He wins again.