I’ve had so many relationships, I’ve lost count. Why? What was I searching for? And every single time I fell in love. Atleast thought I did. Earnestly. And every single time I got hurt. Even if I am the one who broke it off… Which was the case mostly. I know they wouldn’t work. They weren’t meant to. But I still loved. With my naive stupid gullible heart. I craved for validation and attention from them. For love and dependence. Coz without them depending on me… Why will I feel important right? Not wanted… Dependent. Know the difference?
Other than these “relationships” I think I’ve slept with a lot of men. Why? I’m not really crazy about sex. And other than maybe 3 people, everyone wasn’t even great. Then why??
What is wrong with me? I always know I’ll break up. I’ll run away. I’ll bore. Why then tag someone along and hurt them?
I need to start taking count. I need to be held accountable. I need to… I don’t know what I need to. I need to stop. Just stop. Enough. Just fucking stop.