Day 74 part 1- Life plan

I have attained Nirvana. The blessed state of universal understanding not the foo fighters before they became, well, the foo fighters (you know, when Curt(Kurt Cobain) was still there and music was still alive)

I have realised how to plan my life out. Not what I want to do. Or who I want to be with. Or whether I want to marry again… all that I still don’t know. But my day to day existence I seem to have a better grasp on.

1. Have a healthy routine. Eat, exercise, sleep, drink water. Adequately and well timed.

2. Find work that can make me financially independent without the stress of having to kill myself with well stress.

3. Count down to depression when house and I start becoming messier. Count down to mania when I start getting less and less sleep. And don’t try to count down to anxiety. You’ll know when it hits.

4. On the day of mania/ depression/ anxiety, take a day off. Eat, sleep, stare at nothingness, cry, don’t eat, don’t sleep, fret, cry more, junk, watch Netflix marathon, cry again, bathe 5 times, don’t bathe, panic, run, breathe, don’t breathe… but take full day off guilt free. Cancel all plans. No excuses. No conditions. TAKE DAY OFF! Indulge.

5. Thanks to being bipolar II by the next day I’ll snap back into some semblance of normalcy. Not that I’ll be fine. But I’ll be functional, productive. 

6. Repeat from point 1.

For everything else, don’t make plans. Just let life take it’s course. Enjoy. Have fun. Experience. Do whatever you want to.

Yaaaaay… Sorry Curt, What else should I say? No apologies! πŸ˜‰


Day 69 part 2- Hydration

The past few days have been such a roller coaster ride that I’ve been skimping on the amount of water I consume. And ta da… Today the kidney pain restarts!

Guess all the crying and running around sweaty has been dehydrating and I haven’t even been having my daily 2litres. 

It hurts bad. Though it’s comforting in its familiarity.

Guess I need the pain to keep me in check. To make sure I take care of myself. To get serious about my health. So well πŸ™‚

Day 64 part 2- Cook off

After lying in bed for a while I got up. C wanted to cook and i really didn’t feel like going over. So I decided to cook.

And cook I did!

Tandoori chicken made with the meat marinated in an amazing curd based mix which keeps the meat succulent and moist, brinjal fry with rice and curd.

While the food was cooking, I washed 3 double bedsheets and their pillow cases. Phew! That was tiring. But they smell squeaky clean and fresh now.

A heavy meal and loads of exercise later, I’m happy. Kudos to being a foodie.

My mood isn’t better. I’m still low and easily irritated. But I’m still doing all the things I’m meant to πŸ™‚

Day 63 part 3- 5 step processΒ 

I’ve figured out a process to work through my madness.

1. Imagine a better scenario- while sitting in the loo or lying in bed with dysfunctionality, try imagining what it is that you’d rather be doing. Like making tasty brinjal fry or a nice bull’s eye.

2. Visualise the entire process- from walking to the kitchen to preparing the dish, visualise the flow.

3. Embellish details- add things to the flow that make you happy. Like dancing while cooking or wearing awesome hot clothes, etc

4. Allow- Give yourself the freedom to want it desperately or feel happy thinking of it or believe that this is the process to get you to your goal. For eg- cooking and eating now will mean I’ll be healthy. Will give me time to exercise. Will allow me to be slim and wear hot clothes. Whatever it is that makes you happy.

5. Go with the flow- let impulses take over enough to just get up and act on it.

This is a very effective process for me. On most days.

Except days like today when I did all this, turned over and went back to sleep.

It’s now 4pm and I haven’t even had breakfast.

But hey, I caught up on sleep. And I did write  2 posts. So yaaaaay.

The final step is most important.

6. Celebrate- Enjoy every victory, however small. Remind yourself everyday of whatever small achievement you made. And celebrate it. Treat yourself. Have fun!

Know that at all points, you are doing your best. What that is, will be different for different people and will keep changing even for you. But don’t stop trying. πŸ™‚

Day 63 part 1- Late Kate

After the chat last night with C, I just couldn’t fall asleep. So I watched stuff on my laptop, tried reading, snacked at 3am and finally dozed off close to 5am. But that’s no excuse for the fact that it’s almost noon and I haven’t eaten anything yet.

I’ve been waking up from time to time through the night but I actually got up off the bed 2hrs back. 2hrs and still no food.

According to my health plan I’m supposed to have been done with breakfast and a mid morning snack by now.

It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I can’t think of what I want to eat, how to make it, how to get off my bed. How to fucking do anything other than sit here poking at my mobile.

 Thank you to the feeling of success and achievement. Fleeting though you were, I enjoyed not hating myself!

Day 61 part 3- Sleeping Beauty

Not sure about the beauty part but I’ve definitely gotten down the sleeping part. Slept on and off the whole day punctuated with regular intervals of playing Clash of clans. All I’ve eaten the whole day is a handful of grapes. Where is Mr Prince Charming when you need him?

So much for my resolution to eat right. But I’ve just not been hungry.

Now after a small meal just to make sure my system kicks into action, I shall sweep and mop and exercise.

Pancakes at C’s place at 6. So yaaaay, looking forward to that.

Day 61 part 1- GoT

Everyday I think it’s time I buck up and get my act together and everyday I push it to the next. Like the popular series, I think Game of Tomorrow is something everyone loves as well.

So tonight, despite it being very late, when the mood kicked in, I exercised. I then had a bath, drank oodles of water, did some breathing exercises and had my medicine.

Now I’m tired yet happy and ready to sleep. Hoping to keep this up daily at some time or the other. Coupled with good food, I’m sure I’ll start feeling better.

Step 2 will be to fix reasonable timings for both food and exercise. And most importantly for sleeping.

 What do you keep procrastinating about? 

Keep smiling πŸ™‚